Motherhood

This Mother’s Day means so much more to me than any previous year. It took me a few days to understand why I was anticipating this holiday like Christmas, and then I realized...in a very real sense, we are celebrating LIFE.

A few months ago, after the birth of my third child, my health was threatened. I prayed with all the energy of my heart for God to spare my life so that I could stay and be a Mother. I wanted to be the one to raise my children alongside my husband. To teach them right from wrong, to protect and nurture, and share in their joyous discoveries. My prayers were answered and words cannot adequately express my gratitude! I no longer take time with my children for granted.

My flesh is still very weak and recovering. But my spirit is STRONG and BRIGHT. And in my soul, there is so much LOVE for my children, my husband, my family, dear friends, and most of all for my Savior. He knows what it feels like to live inside my body on good days and bad. I am grateful for my body, my precious gift from Heavenly Father, and the many things it CAN do. The diapers I can change, the conversations I can have, the hugs I can give, and the beautiful music I can create in my home.

I feel as if God has smiled down upon me and given me a second chance. An opportunity to view life with new eyes. And it is simple and beautiful. If I could talk to myself one year ago on Mother’s Day I would give myself these pointers:

-       Take care of yourself.

-       Spend your time with what/whom you have been given stewardship over.

-       Simplify and forgive.

-       You are enough.

-       And for heaven’s sake, take a nap!

“Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels. May God bless us to honor each virtuous woman.” – Russel M. Nelson

“O mother, I give you my love with each flower

To give forth sweet fragrance a whole lifetime through;

For if I love blossoms and meadows and walking,

I learned how to love them, dear mother, from you.”

-Phyllis Luch

Broken Vessel

Since my beautiful baby boy was born in November of 2015, I have had a myriad of health problems. Including mini-strokes, hemiplegic migraines, and blood clotting and thyroid issues. If I told a friend or family member my diagnosis one week, it would change the next. I also felt that some could not handle the load I was carrying and I would lighten it for them in the moment. Those closest to me saw my suffering, and I am so grateful for my dear ones who let me be angry, sad, and frustrated while we were searching for answers.

Combinations of the spectrum of the medical field have helped improve my conditions. And a great amount of healing has taken place in an extremely short amount of time. Still I have felt unsatisfied. Too many unanswered questions…until Wednesday. Some lab tests done in December confirmed one doctor’s suspicions that I have certain critical genes that are mutated in my DNA. This condition is called MTHFR (methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase/mthfr.net). I have a compound heterozygous mutation, which is associated with decreased enzyme activity, increased homocysteine levels, and basically explains every health complication I’ve ever had in my life, including complications in pregnancy. So where do I go from here? Three words: life style change. I cannot change my genetic make-up, nor do I want to! But I can give the very best care to the body that I’ve been given.

I am forever changed because of this trial. I am already grateful for it. Grateful mostly to be alive! I believe in all good medicine, and I am grateful for all the people who study and educate their minds to help others.

“If we were to close the doors upon sorrow and distress, we might be excluding our greatest friends and benefactors. Suffering can make saints of people as they learn patience, long-suffering, and self-mastery.”  - President Howard W. Hunter

I am a long way from saint. Feeling this awful has brought back an old habit of swearing under my breath! But I do know that God loves me anyway. He does. He really does. He loves us despite our imperfections and our broken vessels. That is why He provided a Savior for us. The only One who completely understands our pain and suffering.

“I testify of angels, both the heavenly and the mortal kind. In doing so I am testifying that God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face. Always there are those angels who come and go all around us, seen and unseen, known and unknown, mortal and immortal.” – Elder Jeffery R. Holland

I know this to be true. As I’ve walked through my own valley, sometimes feeling alone in a valley of the shadow of death, I have come to know these angels. They have shown up at my door with flowers, spoken encouraging words, flown across states to take care of me, fed my family, and cleaned my house. I know many more unseen ones have guided me to inspired physicians, spoken peace to my heart, and kept me safe.

I believe in miracles. MY LIFE IS ONE. And I will not take it for granted ever again.