Tender Heart

I was participating in a funeral recently and the grandson offered an opening prayer. He said, "please bless those with tender hearts." I loved his thoughtful words, and felt the prayer calm my tender heart.

One of the most sacred hours I have experienced on this earth was the hour my beloved Grandma passed. I had learned the night before that she wasn't doing well and would probably leave this earthly existence soon. After I hung up the phone I sobbed loudly and angrily alone in my car. Eventually I went inside and wrote a letter of gratitude to her. While writing the letter I realized that she would be reunited with her mother, who had passed away when she was eight years old, and I felt a measure of peace, and happiness for her. The following morning I was scheduled to play "I Need Thee Every Hour" in church. My performance was a simple prayer and statement to the Lord that I needed Him every hour. After playing I felt like we needed to leave church right after sacrament meeting and go to my Grandma's home. Kind people filled in for my other duties with only minutes notice. 

We arrived at my Grandma's home and my three-year-old son said he wanted to come see Great-Grandma so we left my husband and the sleeping babe in the car, and knocked on the door with violin and letter in hand. My cousin, who was caring for Grandma, came to the door. She had made sure Grandma was comfortable then had gone and taken a nap. 

She showed me back to Grandma's room and as I entered I felt as if I had walked onto sacred ground. A Mormon Tabernacle Choir CD entitled "Heavensong: Music of Contemplation and Light" was playing. Ashely went to one bedside and I stood on the other. I held her hand and it was warm. Ashley tried to wake her, and when she couldn't she felt her pulse. Ashely said, "Oh my gosh, she's gone," and then went to call the nurse, family, and funeral services. My son said, "Great-Grandma is sleeping," and I took him out to my husband and asked him to take the kids to lunch. Then I went back inside, got out my violin, and played "I Need Thee Every Hour" followed by "God Be With You Till We Meet Again". Technically I was alone in the room now, but I felt a beautiful and vast audience there. In fact, I felt that it was the most important performance of my life. I felt as if I was serenading her into the next life, and it was most precious. I was then able to read her my letter and hold her still-warm hand, telling her how much she meant to me.

Then I turned back on "Heavensong" and sat with her as many people came in and out of the room. It was remarkable to see the family members that arrived, all at their own time, most without even knowing she had passed. I knew that God had orchestrated that hour, and everyone's path through her front door. I felt like I was in a celestial sphere and could not leave. Finally, when the mortuary came, my Aunt Marilyn and I played a violin and piano duet of "Amazing Grace" in the front room, the same song that would be played at her funeral days later, as she left her beloved home for the last time.

In the week following there was lots of family, tears, and one of the best funeral services I have ever attended. I felt angels, both earthly and heavenly, at that time. As the weeks past and the snow came I felt a sense of mourning I have never experienced. Each day she would come to my mind and there would be a stab of pain so intense I would gasp. Until that time, I did not understand the meaning of the word, "grieve." To grieve implies deep mental suffering often endured alone and in silence. It is an experience that time heals slowly. It is okay to have a tender heart. There will be people who will not understand and they are still good.

I write this today to bear my witness of life after death. Those who leave us on earth are not really gone. They are still with us, watching over us and caring for our needs in a different way. They may even love us more now than they did in their limited mortal body because they can see us clearly, and to love another is beautiful. There are more with us than against us.  

"Thus, we prepare all the days of our lives, and, as we grow, death loses its sting, hell loses its power, and we look forward to that day with anticipation and joy when [Christ] will come in His glory."
F. Enzio Busche



"I believe we move and have our being in the presence of heavenly messengers and of heavenly beings. We are not separate from them...We are closely related to our kindred, to our ancestors...who have preceded us into the spirit world. We cannot forget them; we do not cease to love them; we always hold them in our hearts, in memory, and thus we are associated and united to them by ties that we cannot break...If this is the case with us in our finite condition, surrounded by our mortal weaknesses,...how much more certain it is...to believe that those who have been faithful, who have gone beyond...can see us better than we know them...We live in their presence, they see us, they are solicitous for our welfare, they love us now more than ever. For now they see the dangers that beset us;...their love for us and their desire for our well being must be greater than that which we feel for ourselves." Joseph F. Smith